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How do I do a PDF to an MS Word typing job in Patna?
The most scary words to hear as a banker are me asking “how’s your Excel ?”. The harsh reality is that something your career in whatever line of work may well go wrong, really badly wrong and Excel can help you get out of the hole. That can be down to your mistake, a gamble that did not pay off, and random stuff that just falls out of the sky. A few years back a client leaned back in his chair and said “Dominic, we’re your biggest client…” I knew I would not like the second part of the sentence. “and we want you to find some hardcore Excel experts” T had interveiwed several dozen of what t referred to as chimps to act as a team to bring the truly vast number of workbooks banged together by traders, risk managers, HR, sales, compliance, et al under some sort of control as many did really quite important things. T were willing to pay good money, odds are that you will never in your life get paid as much per week as this very large bank was willing to pay. I did not want to do this. I hate Excel Specialists. A lot. Seriously, some people hate fascists and cancer, I hate Excel Specialists and am very good at hating them. I can make them cry and yes do I enjoy it, but it gets old seeing them confused and disturbed. Sadly the Managing Director had seen the version of my CV where it explained that I was an Excel expert, not an Excel specialist. which is a different lesser kind of person. As was he. We can both do hard things with Excel and fix horribly defective workbooks and make them reliable. Because most people who understand Excel properly have real jobs as well. Fact is that most Excel experts don’t do Excel for a living and very nearly everyone that uses Excel used it badly because unlike C++ (yeah I do that as well), if you just type stuff in to see what it does with no training, something useful will happen whereas C++ will emit the sort of error messages that looks like the guff that scrolls up the screen when The Matrix overloads and crashes in a movie. My favourite C++ diagnostic message was Useless Code at line -2145. Yes, -2145, not +2145, that would be too easy. So to know Excel better than 95% of people that use it takes about two weeks of study from scratch, unlike C++ or SQL where it is years and many never make it. So I interviewed these people. God it was bad. When Netflix finally takes up my offer of a series based on my headhunting called Pimps, interviewing Excel specialists will be a running joke them well into Season 5 a bit like Darkness at Noon in the Good Fight, but bleaker and more disturbing, and I’m Jack Bauer being tortured by M4 terrorists explaining what & does very badly. When I say these people are dregs I mean several did not know what logical AND means. After trying to explain it to a couple of them I gave up. I had developed a battery of tests, which basically consisted of imaging my development laptop and saying “so make it do ….” Literally not one person could do this set of tests. OK, t did get harder like knowing about zero rather than 1 based arrays when working with the Bloomberg add on, but none were spitefully hard and I sat there offering hints. Normally when a headhunter sends to you Resume /CVs t gush about the depth of skills and experience of the candidates he has selected from the very cream of that profession. My brand however is one of honesty and I simply could not recommend anyone I interviewed. So I wrote. Enclosed are the details of the three least bad Excel specialists currently available, I know you wanted two, but having reviewed their abilities such as t are, I have worked out that if you hire all 3 you will have the equivalent of one competent Excel Developer. The point I’m making here is that there is always a good market for Excel skills, if you genuinely can sit in front of impressionist spreadsheets and make them dance. Fact is that this buys you a random job, hence my comment at the top about it being a way out of your career hole, where a random position is better than the status quo. Excel also helps if you are going to work in what I with the sensitivity for which 50–15,000 poeple each week on Quora know me for, daffy jobs, defined as something a character played by Jennifer Aniston might do for a living. This is the classic one eyed man in the kingdom of the blind. If you are a citzen of Daff then you regard beuing able to import data into Excel as dark magic and will pay someone to do it. Here is an example Excel. Why using Microsoft's tool caused Covid-19 results to be lost Such is the fuckwittedness of the Excel specialist that t lost a whole pile of really quite important data. But… The BBC is the Capital of the Nation of Daff, I visit from time to time and their people openly refer to anyone who understands any technology as either an autistic boy or virgins, so the blonde interchangeable Emmas with degrees in Fashon and Grievance Studies, who write for the BBC didn’t know that if you you try to import too many rows a bloody message box appears to tell you. It you ignore error messages. It was not the fault of Excel that the arts graduate ignore an error message box that won’t let you proceed. So if you want to work in any line of work where tech skills are low, but where lots of people want to work like media or whatever, Excel makes you stand out if you can do it to the standard t are impressed by.
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